Life Together: The Surprising Connection Between Community and Solitude

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“Many people seek fellowship because they are afraid to be alone. Because they cannot stand loneliness, they are driven to seek the company of other people. There are Christians, too, who cannot endure being alone, who have had some bad experiences with themselves, who hope they will gain some help in association with others. They are generally disappointed. Then they blame the fellowship for what is really their own fault.

The Christian community is not a spiritual sanatorium. The person who comes into a fellowship because he is running away from himself is misusing it for the sake of diversion, no matter how spiritual this diversion may appear. He is really not seeking community at all, but only distraction which will allow him to forget his loneliness for a brief time…” ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

 A surprising yet intimate connection exists between community and solitude.

Initially, you might think that “being in relationship” and “being alone” are as far apart as the east is from the west. Not so. They are intimately related.

The rich relational life of a Christian community depends on the solitary “time alone” that the believers spend with God. From solitude and silence, the believer emerges “ready” for Christian community: not demanding of the community but serving it; not asking the community to meet all his needs and complaining when it doesn’t happen. Instead, from the solitude of time alone with God, the believer comes to the community not with a demanding neediness (which can only destroy community) but with an awareness, born out of solitude, that her needs are first and foremost met in Jesus Christ.

Bonhoeffer issues a stark warning: “Let him who cannot be alone beware of community. He will only do harm to himself and to the community. Alone you stood before God when he called you; alone you had to answer that call; alone you had to struggle and pray; and alone you will die and give an account to God. You cannot escape from yourself; for God has singled you out. If you refuse to be alone you are rejecting Christ’s call to you, and you can have no part in the community of those who are called” (pp. 77).

As a pastor, I often wonder how many problems “of the community” truly masquerade as personal problems of believers who fail to heed the example of Jesus who rose “very early in the morning, while it was still dark…went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed” (Mark 1:35). Have we learned how to go to the “desolate place” where we are alone with our thoughts, alone with our prayers, alone with our sins, alone with our problems before the face of God? Instead, we jump into the life of the community hastily with unresolved thoughts, burdensome sins, and inescapable problems.

Do we seek community because we are afraid of spending time in solitude and silence before God? Do we speak more than we are silent? Do I crave community because I dare not spend an hour in solitude with God? Am I asking of the community what I should really be asking of God in solitude alone? The temptation to seek in community what must be sought in God in solitude and silence is real.

Often, when community is sought but solitude with God is ignored, we come into the fellowship either as desperately needy and clingy (the recipe for co-dependency) or seeking to control others (the symptoms of power and control issues) rather than fostering a genuine connection in Jesus Christ.

Yet, Bonhoeffer notes that the opposite is also true: “Let him who is not in community beware of being alone. Into the community you were called, the call was not meant for you alone; in the community of the called you bear your cross, you struggle, you pray. You are not alone, even in death, and on the Last Day you will be only one member of the great congregation of Jesus Christ. If you scorn the fellowship of the brethren, you reject the call of Jesus Christ, and thus your solitude can only be hurtful to you” (pp. 77).

The surprising intersection of community and solitude exists in a rich interconnected relationship: “Only in the fellowship do we learn to be rightly alone and only in aloneness do we learn to live rightly in the fellowship….One who wants fellowship without solitude plunges into a world void of words and feelings, and one who seeks solitude without fellowship perishes in the abyss of vanity, self-infatuation, and despair” (pp. 77-8).

The peril of community without solitude is the temptation of meaningless words, activities, and church programs without meaningful transformation of your inner being. The peril of solitude without community is the temptation to succumb to the disease of introspection or a hyper self-focus without the opportunity to hear an external voice to either encourage or admonish your inner musings and self-occupied thoughts.

As Bonhoeffers warns, “Let him who cannot be alone beware of community. Let him who is not in community beware of being alone” (pp. 78).

I saw these truths born out in my own life, even during my college years. Every Sunday night for a season, I walked the campus of Baylor University with a friend late at night. We encouraged one another, admonished one another, held one another accountable, and generally sharpened one another in Christ. Yet, I also noticed a reality: the weeks where I had enjoyed a robust devotional life in solitude with God – our conversations were richer, our shared spiritual life was more enjoyable, and our growth together in Christ was evident. The opposite was also true. The weeks where I had been lax with my solitude alone with God, our conversations were flatter and the spiritual dynamic between us not as warm.

The richness of my time alone with God was directly tied to the richness of the fellowship in community that we experienced together. It was true almost every time.

Some weeks, I brought a rich spiritual life in God to bear upon our relationship as brothers in Christ. It was during those times that wisdom increased in my life, spiritual passion was unleashed in healthy ways, and sin decreased because God was increasing in my life (much like John the Baptist’s relationship with Jesus). Our fellowship sharpened me in ways that far surpassed what I could have done alone. Participating in a Christ-centered friendship, my growth in Christ was evident in ways that would have been impossible alone.

What does this mean for the church? Three thoughts:

(1)   Our fellowship in community can be enriched by your commitment to the practice of solitude and silence with God. Your devotional life is not for yourself alone. Your spiritual seeking after God has the potential to enrich our life together and make healthy our community of faith.

(2)   The failure to engage in an enriching life of solitude brings an avalanche of problems into the community of faith. In reality, some problems “of the community” are only masquerading as the personal problems of believers which might have been better dealt with in solitude: personal repentance of sin and the myriad of insecurities, doubts, and frustrations which often come out (or are dumped out) upon the community in unhealthy ways.

(3)   Double down on the practice of spending solitude with God while doubling down on the practice of being in community. You need both in the spiritual life to follow Jesus. Bonhoeffer encourages you in these practices: “After a time of quiet we meet others in a different and a fresh way,” namely, in a way that refreshes your heart and soul in Jesus Christ (pp. 80).

Bonhoeffer’s Life Together is classic treatment on Christian community. We would be wise to heed his words: “Only in the fellowship do we learn to be rightly alone and only in aloneness do we learn to live rightly in the fellowship” (pp. 77-8).

               The next Space Coast Fellows Book Club is Sunday afternoon October 20, 2024 (2:00 - 4:00 Oasis Room) – The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer