Family Discipleship: Three Takeaways
On my yearly fall trek to be with a pastor’s Covenant Group in South Carolina, I listened to several episodes of the Gospelbound podcast hosted by Collin Hansen. Collin’s conversation with Matt Chandler about family discipleship and how to raise gospel-centered children who follow Christ into adulthood is filled with practical wisdom for Christian parents.
You can listen here. I highly recommend this conversation to you! [Matt Chandler is the Lead Pastor of Village Church in Texas and author of two books that I recommend: The Mingling of Souls: God’s Design for Love, Sex, Marriage, and Redemption & The Explicit Gospel . His new book released this year: Family Discipleship: Leading Your Home Through Time, Moments and Milestones.]
Three Big Takeaways from this Gospel Bound conversation with Matt Chandler:
#1: Parents, don’t confuse behavior with belief.
Some parents, when examining the belief structure of their children (do my children believe the gospel? does my child know the Lord?) often confuse behavior with belief. This can work in two directions:
The child who is more strong-willed and constantly is in the crosshair of parental discipline can seem like a total pagan unbeliever to the parent. Yet, personality or birth order or family dynamics or school issues might be influencing the problematic behavior just as much (or more) than an apparent “lack of belief”. Parents need to discern wisely before simply conflating bad behavior with an outright rejection of Christian belief. Parents can continue to pour in grace, truth, and love into the strong-willed child. Play the long game. Don’t give up.
Conversely, the child who is more eager to please mom and dad doesn’t mean that this child knows and loves and cherishes the gospel. It just might mean that the child is eager to please and knows how to “say the right things” in order to garner parental accolades. This child, too, needs intentional instruction on doctrine, scripture memory, and age-appropriate teaching. Parents shouldn’t assume that the child will always be so pliable. Parents should continue to instruct and disciple in the home even when the child seems “already to know it all”.
#2: Parents, worship with your children in church. Sit with them.
It’s not enough to come in one car and then go to different parts of the church. The Fuller Youth Institute has been sharing this research for a long-time now: “Nearly half of all young people raised in Christian families walk away from their faith when they graduate from high school. That’s the bad news. [More precisely, I’d say these young people walk away from church or never believed the gospel, because I don’t believe people “lose” their faith.] But here’s the good news: research shows that parents are one of the primary influences on their child’s faith.”
The Fuller Youth Institute’s research shows that children who worship God with their parents in church services are more likely and more motivated to continue church attendance into adulthood.
The latins called this a “habitus”. The fact of the matter is that spiritual habits form us in powerful ways. And these habits are learned at a young age.
#3: Parents, Enter the Fray. Start Slow. Build new Family Habits.
The bar for parental satisfaction is often too low. Many parents settle for “behavioral modification” in their children (i.e. if I can only get my children “to act in a certain way”, then I’d be happy). At the same time, parents often get excited and distracted by many “good things” while neglecting to pass on the “best thing”.
Matt Chandler gives parents a simple nudge to enter the fray in family discipleship. You don’t know where to begin? So what? Neither has the majority of Christian parents throughout the history of the church! It might be as simple as reading scripture over the dinner table and praying together (start with the Gospel of Mark or the practical letter of James or the joy-filled epistle to the Philippians).
The Carter family is in the midst of reading through “Foundations: 12 Biblical Truths to Shape a Family”. The book is practical, engaging, and only takes a few minutes to implement over dinnertime. (In the past, we’ve journeyed with “Our 24 Family Ways: A Family Devotional Guide”.)
Enter the fray. Get engaged. Start a new habitus. You’ll be glad you did!
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Other helpful and interesting Gospelbound podcast conversations include:
The Future of Christian Marriage.